THE "I's" HAVE IT...

When I was growing up in small town in southern Louisiana I was a very timid child. Nuture and nature fueled my imagination that the world was a very scary place. I was polite and helpful but didn't feel comfortable interacting with others on a personal level so few people knew the real me.

Being an adult doesn't change the fact I'm a private person. That doesn't make me stuck up or self centered...just very introverted and prone to moments where the slow pace of silence is a welcoming sound in a world hell bent on loud, fast action.

There are two moments in my life helping me to change how I see the world. The first is when I became an instructor at my TaeKwonDo school. I'm not sure why I even agreed to enter the program because I lacked the poise and confidence I saw in the faces of other instructors. Even my best friend wasn't sure I would make it as an instructor because he knew how cautious I was. But here I am, fourteen years later, surprising everyone including myself at my ability to command a class while sharing my love of the martial arts.

The other moment helping change me is when I decided to become a professional writer. Every time I begin a new story I am putting a little bit more of myself out there for people to get to know me. My author's 'voice' comes shining through in my words, helping others to see a different side of me. But I think the most amazing thing I have discovered by becoming a writer is the fact it liberates me in some ways from the shy person I used to be. It's all in the "I's"...

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD

There is no guarantee anyone will actually LIKE what I write, but I still have the freedom to put my stories out there. The worlds of my imagination dance around in my head until I have the chance to share them with others and have even managed to gather a group of readers who look forward to what I write.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FALL DOWN

I'm a perfectionist in most things and used to take rejections of my work as a personal mark against my character. How foolish of me to think agents and editors would factor in such a personal slant on such an impersonal decision. Publishers have to consider the marketability of a particular project, no matter how much they might love the work, while writers have to realize it's okay to get rejected...to fall down and struggle to get back up. Just as long as we DO get back up every time...

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SEEK THE HELP OF OTHERS

The old saying goes that no man is an island and that goes for writers as well. While writing is a solitary endeavor, the writing industry is not. It's a swirling, throbbing mass of positive energy and support for all things writerly. I shouldn't be afraid to ask others wiser and more experienced for their help because I know there will come a day when others will ask the same of me.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE UNSURE

Publishing is such a free-flowing industry where deals are make in a blink of an eye and success can seem to happen overnight. No matter whether a newbie author or an established one, all writers have moments of self-doubt. Times when a writer wants to pull their hair out and give up. But it's not as simple as that. Writing has a life of it's own and  is the driving force behind my waking moments...and many of my sleeping ones as well. I can't allow any doubts of future successes...or failures...to cloud my judgement of the here and now. I was BORN to do this despite what anyone else may say.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ME

I may never become the next J K Rowling or Stephen King. My books may never win any awards or be made into movies. But that doesn't mean my stories have no value. It doesn't mean I shouldn't announce to the world I'm a writer. While I continue to improve my skill as a storyteller every single day, I will never be able to alter the core person I am. A part of me will always be shy. A part of me will always be unsure if anyone will like my stories. A part of me will even wonder if I'm ever going to find an agent (something I've been working on for three years now).

But one thing I AM sure of...

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO WRITE

And so do YOU!

A To Z Challenge: BOOK NOOK REVIEWS "P"

Title: Piggyback Ninja
Author: Neal Shusterman

Illustrator: Joe Boddy

Publisher: Lowell House Juvenile

Ages: 4-8

"Marshall McGumbo, until he turned nine,

Would play Piggyback Ninja on his father's spine.

With his hair-pulling power, and drop-kick finesse,

He would pulverize Pop's pooped-out spine, more or less.

And so from his path Dad was quick to depart.

For fear of fast Marshall and his martial art.'"

Synopsis: Marshall might know a karate chop or two but still has much to learn about being nice to others. With a foolish kick Marshall ends up in a twisted mess and the fun begins as his parents try to come up to a solution to Marshall's knotty problem.

Why I liked it: Of course being a martial artist myself, the title of Mr. Shusterman's book captured my attention from the beginning. But it was the whimsical illustrations and rhyming text that kept me turning the pages to find out if poor Marshall would ever get untied and learn to be kind to others. 

No Matter What...Don't Stop!

Most of you know I work at a martial arts training facility. Some of you know I'm a Certified TaeKwonDo Instructor and Fourth Degree Black Belt. But almost no one knows the challenging path it took to get me where I am today.

I like this picture. I like it because it reminds me that anything is possible if you are willing to give it your best. To be flexible in the face of adversity. To step into the wind despite the fear of failure. To know if you just keep plugging away at the goals nearest and dearest to your heart, then one day you WILL see them realized.

I began my martial arts journey thirteen years ago. Nothing terrified me more than believing in the possibility I could do what I saw the others in my son's class do with seemingly apparent ease. At my doctor's insistence I decided one day to jump in with both feet and prepaid for a blackbelt program. There was no turning back.

By the end of week one I broke my little toe attempting a spin crescent kick and my workouts were painful while it healed. 

I didn't stop.

I wore full braces on both forearms for my carpal tunnel (an affliction I had suffered from for over ten years before starting my training) and pushups caused me great pain for the first couple of months until I was able to do away with the braces completely. 

I didn't stop.

At six months I was crippled by pain in my lower back and thinking I had pulled some muscles, I went to the doctor. I was diagnosed with inoperable degenerative disc disease and told within two to three years I would be in a wheelchair. The specialist said I would be in tremendous pain continuing to train in martial arts but it might keep me on my feet longer.

I didn't stop.

At every testing for the next two years I would throw up before I stepped in front of the judge's table. Forever questioning my right to wear that next belt, I would fight my demons and eventually sail through each testing with flying colors.

I didn't stop.

When I was asked to join the instructor team, I thought my chief instructor mad. Who was I to be able to teach others this beautiful art? My own self-doubt and physical limitations made me feel less than deserving when I passed my certification testing and others started calling me an instructor.

I didn't stop.

Four and a half years ago I was getting ready for my latest testing and was practicing my required board breaks with I felt something happen to my leg. Three days later I was enduring the first of many hospital visits due to dangerous blood clots. My world seemed to be falling apart and it wasn't until six months later I was diagnosed with a very rare blood condition. I was told to quit training in TaeKwonDo immediately because the slightest contact during sparring COULD KILL ME.

I didn't stop.

It took me two years to return to the mats...two years of tears and pain and heartache over the loss of something precious to me. I stood on the sidelines as others trained. I stood in the shadows as others tested. I was still able to teach in a limited capacity and learned the true meaning of persistence as slowly, day by painful day, I returned to my training. It was hard to let go of the person I was before the blood clots. I now live with a permanently damaged leg and fragile back that remind me every day of the precarious tightrope I walk in order to share my love of the martial arts with my students. And in October of 2011 I tested for my Fourth Degree Black Belt...throwing up beforehand as usual and fighting my internal demons...and passing.

I didn't stop.

Today I have another goal in front of me. October 2nd, 2015 I go for Master Fifth Degree Black Belt. 

MASTER of TaeKwonDo.

Training is very hard for me these days. It hurts. A lot. Every day. And there are two extremely difficult moves in my current form I simply can't do. Will I be able to do them when the time comes to perform them at testing? I don't know but I won't worry about that right now. I will simply remember how far I have come and the accomplishments I have achieved so far. I'm still on my feet despite the doctor's dire warnings. I endure a few punches and kicks each time I spar and I'm still kicking back. And despite the fact I don't think I will EVER feel like I truly deserve my rank, I know my story can inspire others to never give up trying to achieve THEIR goals, whatever they may be.

I have a mother of one of my students who came to me last week and asked me if I thought she could learn the martial arts. She thought she was too old, too uncoordinated, too overweight, too timid to try. Know what I told her? Just give it your best...

And don't stop.

BOOK NOOK REVIEWS: Corey Rosen Schwartz

***This week's BOOK NOOK REVIEWS shines a spotlight on great books provided by some of the authors participating in my annual FREE AUTHOR PROMOTION event held each May in my city. Help support these new and established authors by checking out their books!***

Title: The Three Ninja Pigs
Author: Corey Rosen Schwartz
Illustrator: Dan Santat
Publisher: G. P. Putnam's Sons
Ages 4-8


"Once upon a dangerous time, 
a wolf loved to huff and to puff. 
He'd go around town 
and blow houses down
 till three little pigs cried, ENOUGH!"

Synopsis: The wolf is back on the prowl and the three little pigs better watch out! Houses are being blown down. The first little piggie decides to use aikido on the big bad wolf. The second little piggie tries some jujitsu. But only the third little piggie uses the true power of the martial arts to defeat that bag of hot air!

Why you should read it: I confess the fact Ms. Schwartz gave this classic tale a martial arts twist captured my attention at first, but it was the lyrical tone to the rhyming text  which kept me eagerly turning the pages to see what happened next. Illustrations by the talented Dan Santat compliments this engaging tale. Kids of all ages will cheer these three little piggie heros as they karate chop their way to a wolf-free life!

Like-O-Meter Rating: 5 out of 5...Grab it!

A Purpose Filled Life

I was certain when I was eleven years old I knew exactly how my life was going to be when I grew up.  I was crazy about animals at the time and just knew I wanted to be a veterinarian. Stray critters wandered into my home and stayed for a while.  Over the course of the years I managed to gather two dogs, a few cats, a pigeon, a few rabbits, some quail, turtles, tropical fish and an odd hamster or two...of course not all at the same time.  But as the song goes, "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"...

No, I never got around to following that dream but there were other adventures waiting to take it's place.  I enjoyed a variety of jobs from retail to insurance to radio advertising.  I spent time living down south as well as out west and a few towns in between.  I've climbed a mountain and stood inside a volcano.  I've even gotten married (and divorced) and had a child I'm proud to call my son.  It's pretty obvious, even to me, that I have had an interesting life and yet I still think the best is yet to come.

I moved to this town twenty years ago and twelve years ago I devoted my life to martial arts.  I was in a really bad spot in my life at the time and it was my lifeline back from the spiritually dead.  I poured my energy into TaeKwonDo when I didn't have the energy to exist anywhere else.  I had a purpose and I have tried to repay my Master Instructor over the years for literally saving my life as he did.  

Prior to two years ago I never would have guessed I would return to my writing roots.  Such a dream would have been as foreign to me as trying to roller skate (and if you knew me better, you would KNOW what an impossibility THAT is...;~)

But again, life happened when I was busy making other plans, and I have discovered another purpose for my existence.  There was a time when I thought there could only be one great passion at a time in a person's life but this past year has proven that theory wrong.  Not only did I manage to achieve my goal of reaching Fourth Degree Black Belt at my school (and the highest ranking female in our organization, not counting one of the school owners), but I rekindled my passion for writing and oh, what a year it has been!

Now, when I am about to say goodbye to 2012,  I make plans to greet the new year...full of excitement and full of purpose.  I can only hope that through both my martial arts and my writing I get a chance to bring a little inspiration to someone else who might be searching for the purpose in their own lives....

How about you?

Is the new year going to be one of grand adventures and surprising events?  Have you made a list, like I have, of the goals you would like to accomplish in 2013? When you look back on this past year, do you see a life filled with purpose or just some dull existence?  If you're a writer then I can already answer that question for you.  As Willy Wonka would say..."we are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams"

Let us all dream up a FABULOUS new year...

The Heart Of A Master

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to witness a once in a lifetime event.  It wasn't so much the demonstration of martial arts skill, although I was impressed with that.  And it wasn't even the overall feel of the performance itself, which was electric.  What made yesterday so special to me is the world got a chance to glimpse into the heart of a Master.

Most of you know I have been training in TaeKwonDo for twelve years now.  It is a discipline which sings to my spirit and allows me to show others what they might achieve through perseverance.  But I didn't walk into my school on that first day knowing what I was doing.  It took a bit of courage for a middle aged, overweight, scared-of-the world, single mom to step out on the mats as a white belt.  The most intimidating thing for me was the fact the instructor leading the class was a skinny 17 year old.   Mr. Hargis might have looked like just a kid, but he had the confidence and skill of a seasoned professional.  

Truth be told, Mr. Hargis scared me to death.  Not because he was mean or aggressive or cocky.  It was the fact he seemed so sure of himself and his ability to take charge of his surroundings.  He might have looked like just another kid to some people, but after that first class I KNEW I would follow that man wherever he might lead me in my martial arts journey.

The true heart of a Master is by the life they lead, by the code of ethics they hold close to their heart and their willingness to share their gift with the world around them.  Mr. Hargis is a humble man.  One who  does not put much weight on the importance of belt rank achieved at testings, but rather measures his students by the strength of their character.  He doesn't even allow his own students to call him by his rightful title of "master".    He is simply Mr. Hargis to everyone.  He leads by example and I consider myself fortunate to be counted as a friend in his inner circle.

I don't think Mr. Hargis realizes how many lives he has touched over the years, not just my own.  He may not realize how he took one middle aged, overweight, scared-of-the-world, single mom and quite literally gave her life back to her through his compassion, understanding, and mentoring nature.  He believed in my ability, even as a white belt, long before I could believe in it myself.  And he was there to hold my boards when I went for my Fourth Degree Black Belt testing last October.  There has not been one moment during these past twelve years when I haven't been challenged to be the best I can be...both in martial arts skill and as a person.

To give one's life in the service of others is one of the most selfless acts a person can do and in Mr. Hargis' case, it gives all those who come in contact with him a glimpse into the heart of a Master...

I Didn't See It Coming...

 

 

 

In the martial arts style I train in, TaeKwonDo, we do something called free sparring or padded fighting.  It's a way of perfecting our skills in defending ourselves against an attacker.  Unlike these two, we wear protective gear and use light contact which takes far more control of mind or body than just slugging it out. But sometimes you don't see a punch or kick coming or you don't block in time and you get hit where you least expect it.

 

I remember early in my training when I was still working out with my son.  He always had superior skill to my own but I enjoyed sparring with him because it challenged me to think on my feet and deal with whatever came my way.  One day, however, we were sparring during class and I must not have been paying attention as well as I should because I let my guard down...I dropped my hands...as he was doing a roundhouse kick and I stopped his attack to my head...with my MOUTH.  Needless to say that was a lesson learned from the split lip and permanent scar I have from being able to say "I didn't see it coming".

 

Writing can be like sparring sometimes...

 

We try to arm ourselves with strong writing skills, workshops, and books on how to perfect our craft, but sometimes it's not enough.  Sometimes we don't see it coming and we are hit by those pesky writing demons hell-bent on trying to beat us down.  Things like rejection letters, writer's block, self-doubt, and others sneak in a punch or a kick until we feel like all we are doing is crouching in a corner, cowering. 

 

But we have got to remember we are stronger that that!  We come from a long line of champion authors who are in our corner.  Encouraging us.  Cheering us on.  Lifting us up and reminding us we chose this path for a reason.  Simply put...we have no choice but to write.  It's in our blood...in our very souls...and no silly, self-made demons can deter our focus on this path to publication.

 

So I say bring on the rejection letters...it only proves my work is making it's way in the real world and one day it WILL find a home.  Bring on the writer's block...it will challenge me to be more creative in how I look at my work and maybe it is a gentle message to take a few moments to renew my own spirit before carrying on.  And I refuse to be brought down by self-doubt when I can reach out to this wonderful writing community I am a member of...I KNOW my "sparring" partners have my back and will lift me up while encouraging me to step back into the ring.

 

The only thing I have to worry about is this guy...

 

 

 





Dream Big

When I was little, I had little dreams.  Dreams about getting my first bicycle.  Dreams about getting a puppy.  But as I got bigger, my dreams got bigger.  Dreams about becoming a writer.  Dreams about seeing my name on the cover of a children's book.

No matter how big the dream might have been, I knew if I can dream it I can do it.  

Twelve years ago I walked into a martial arts school.  I had a little dream of maybe learning a little martial arts.  I worked hard even though I was scared that I might not be able to get it right.  I even managed to break my little toe the first week I started my training when my toe turned one way and the rest of my body turned the other.  But still I kept the dream.  After my first belt testing came along and I didn't die from fright, my dream got a little bit bigger.  Maybe I can make it all the way to probationary black belt.  If I can dream it, I can do it.

The years passed, my training continued, and I discovered every time I replaced my belt with a new one, the dream continued to grow.  I wasn't held back by the confines of my limitations.  Instead, the challenges to overcome my "disabilities" only served to feed my passion until this past October I tested for and received my Fourth Degree Black Belt in TaeKwonDo.  My dream stayed big enough to carry me to a place I almost didn't believe I could reach until I actually did it.

Writing is like that black belt to me.  A dream that means the world to me.  Something bigger than I ever thought possible.  But if I dream it, I can do it.  And there is nothing wrong with a little dreaming...

Time To Grow Or Die

The year is 2000.  I'm working in the finance department of an international corporation and I have been there for about 12 years.  I have gone as high in the company as I will be allowed to go and it's time for me to make a decision.  I can either step out into the world and meet new challenges to continue to grow as a person or I can stay where I am comfortable and slowly die from inertia.  For me the choice is quite clear.  If you're not growing, you're dying and I'm not ready to stop growing.  I leave the comfort and cushion of a routine I am familiar with and step into the world of martial arts.  I'm nervous and unsure of my future but know in my heart it is the right decision for me.

I come to the same conclusion in my writing life.  I come back to writing with the intention of being able to grow.  The challenges I come across this past year are hard.  If forces me to be open to the possibility of change...changes within myself, changes in my writing style, changes in how I see the world around me.  When I have doubts about my ability to make this writing thing work I remember that I can either grow as an author or I can die as one.  The choice is mine.

An amazing thing happens as I give myself permission to grow.  I get stronger.  I gather more writer friends around me.  I ride on the wave of positive encouragment from this writing community.  And my stories continue to grow.  If I'm lucky, one day I might even be rewarded for my efforts...



Change Can Be Good

Some people don't like change.  It can take time that they don't have to make those changes happen.  Or maybe the change is a life altering one and it takes time to adjust to the idea.  Sometimes people just refuse to accept changes because they like the way things are.  Some changes can even be small and still be scary.  But even a small change can sometimes make a big difference in someone's life.

  

I waited a long time for a small change to come into my life.  Three years into my wait, I was nervously eager for that small change to happen.  Then a major setback occurred and I ended up waiting another two long years just wondering if that change would ever arrive.  Finally in October of 2011 a small change happened that I was beginning to doubt would ever occur.  Such a small change...just one little gold bar added to the others...but what a difference in the realms of possibilities that small change made in my life.

In June of last year, another change happened.  It literally turned my world up on it's side as I struggled to adjust to the new change in my life.  After a year of working hard to make this change a positive thing in my life, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Hopefully soon my world will be turned right side up again and this change will be a reminder that some changes are for the good.  

Writing is like that.  This is the age of change and the writing industry is going through many changes, both large and small; so much so that many people are wondering where will all this change take us?  How far into the future or will these changes actually set us back?    It's scary sometimes to have faith that change will be good, but if change is coming anyway, don't you think how we deal with those changes are just as important as the change itself?  We can either accept the changes that come along and make the best of them or we can refuse to acknowledge changes are coming and be left behind to wonder what happened?  The choice is ours...

 

Perfecting My Juggling Act

Before January of 2011 I would have considered myself to be a fairly busy person.  I worked and trained full time at my TaeKwonDo school.  I would get there around 10 am and leave around 8 pm every night during the school year and put in about 14 hours every day during the summer.  I sometimes felt like THIS guy...trying to juggle everything on my plate and sometime not getting the results I wanted.

Then I decided that I was going to return to my writing.  My son had moved out of the house and I quickly converted his bedroom into my study before he could change his mind.  But the world of writing is very different from twenty years ago and there was much for me to learn.  And the more I learned, the more things I discovered I needed to juggle. Things like a website, and a blog site, and social sites like Linkedin and Facebook and critique groups and writers online communities and other peoples blog sites and other peoples websites...you get the idea.  Then I started to feel like THIS guy because I now find myself with the idea of trying to juggle two full time careers and determined to make both passions work for me.

So how do I do it?  Keyword...time management.  I want to squeeze as much writing time out of each day as I can so I get up at 6 or 7 am each morning and juggle my writing...whether picture book or fantasy novel or blog post and then I spend the next ten hours focussing on my martial arts.  When I get home,  I spend the next 3 hours reading and responding to emails, catching up on other blogs or websites or online writing groups before tumbling into bed around midnight.  Saturdays I run errands and Sunday I focus on editing, doing critiques, researching submission avenues, and reading articles or books to further my writer skills.  Oh yeah, I also take time out on Sunday evening to watch Once Upon A Time...the only TV I indulge in during the week.

Juggling my time and my life may seem crazy to other people but I feel energized with my life in a way I haven't been before.  I didn't mention the volunteering I do on the side or my charity organizations or school programs I also participate in because I fill those in when I have the extra time...lol...

I can look back on this past year and wonder how did I ever manage to juggle all those obligations of my time or I can just sit back and reflect on how satisfied I am with my writing life and my martial arts life right now.  I'm privileged to be able to share my excitement with others through this wonderful writing community and give back to all the lovely people who have enriched my life this past year.  Now I'm looking more like THIS lady and thinking if I could just learn to toss in some chocolate with those clocks I'd be doing just fine!