Monday, March 18, 2013

The Rules Of Embarrassment



The Rules Of Embarrassment


      No matter how hard we try to not get ourselves into embarrassing situations, it's gonna happen.  It's how we deal with those moments and how we follow the rules of embarrassment which determine if we become a writer who can weather the writerly storms in our future or not. Here are three rules of embarrassment I think everyone should remember as you sit down to write your next great story:


1.  Stop Thinking Everyone Is Watching You
    
     When I was in elementary school, I didn't hang out with many people.  I was incredibly shy, extremely introverted and lacked the social graces to hang with the "popular" kids.  I was caught up in my own little world and would even have conversations with imaginary friends during recess because I was too shy to join in the playground games.
     
       One day when I was deep in a conversation with myself, one of the school bullies suddenly started teasing me and yelling to everyone around us that I must be crazy because I was talking to someone who wasn't really there.  I can still remember how embarrassed I was to be caught and thought the whole school would know of my shame.  But the reality was only a handful of kids even heard the bully and after they all took a moment to laugh at my expense, they went back to their games.  Yes, the embarrassment stung, but I had come out on the other side realizing I had survived a storm I always thought would somehow kill my spirit.

      Not everyone in the world watches your every move as a new writer.  Yeah, there are still bullies out there who might make fun of your work, but in the grand scheme of things they don't really matter.  They even serve a purpose by helping writers develop thicker skins so they can survive in this challenging world of the writing industry.


2.  Pick Yourself Up And Keep Going

 
     When I was in my twenties I moved to a new town in Texas and found myself in a new career.  I was an ad person for the local radio station and it was my job to bring in new clients.  One winter morning I was visiting one of my downtown clients.  The streets were cobblestone covered in a layer of ice which I didn't realize until after I parked in front of the business and attempted to get out of my car.

     I know now that slick-bottom boots and a frilly skirt was not the best dress for the day and my embarrassment came when I slipped on the cobblestone, hit the ground, and SLID UNDER MY CAR!  Praying no one saw my humiliation was not an option as several people came running out of surrounding businesses, including my client, and they watched me as I crawled out from under my little Chevy Chevette and made it safely to the curb.

     There will be many obstacles on the road to publication but writers need to be prepared for anything.  There will be moments at conferences when we think we have it all together and then we will hit the ground in front of that agent or editor we are trying to impress.  That's life and it's how we handle it which allows us to grow as writers.  I managed to laugh at myself that day on the cobblestones and I still manage to laugh when I get embarrassed about my writing today.


3.  Learn From The Lesson

     Back in March of 2011 when I was a true newbie writer (as green as the hills and didn't realize it), I decided I had written a brilliant little story about a dog named Mason.  I made all the mistakes a newbie could...thought the fact my students like the story made it publishing worthy, listened to people who said "Oh, you should publish that!"...and promptly emailed it to one of the editors of Clarion Publishing.

     I even wrote down the date of exactly when I expected my acceptance email to come in.  No, I wasn't that arrogant...just that naive and didn't realize just how much I needed to learn about the writing world.  Needless to say I was quite surprised when that special day came and went without so much as a peep from that editor.  Years later I am so thankful that person decided the wisest thing she could have done was hit the delete button as quickly as possible and send my little masterpiece into the cyber slush pile waste basket.

     I know now that there is a great lesson to be learned from that first rejection.  The only thing that can happen after the embarrassing realization your story truly DOES stink is that you can always choose to improve on it.  As a writer, you can learn and grow and strengthen your writely voice until someone does take notice and those rejection letters start to become sprinkled with an occasional acceptance. 

     That note to myself back in 2011 still sits on my dry erase board...a reminder of where I've been, where I am today, and most importantly...where I want to be in the years ahead.  I know there will be more embarrassing moments in my future but I will welcome them for the lessons they will teach me...and for the fodder they will provide for my future posts...;~)
    
    

  

26 comments:

  1. Great rules Donna! thanks for sharing :)

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    1. Thanks, Jennifer, I try...;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  2. Yes, I laughed at your sliding under your car. I didn't even try not to.

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    1. Lol, Janet....I knew you would! :~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  3. thanks! I needed a dose of reality therapy. I think my embarrassing moments come when I take myself too seriously.

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    1. Hi Sue! I agree...and if you write for children then you should NEVER take yourself too seriously...lol...

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  4. I like thinking of those writing moments as embarrassing, rather than failures. It sounds so much easier to overcome. Now, sliding under your car in a frilly skirt..... THAT'S a different problem altogether! Great post!

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    1. Hi Genevieve! Yeah, I managed to do THAT not once but TWICE...with the same boots...in front of the same client! It's a wonder they wanted to do business with me! ;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  5. Hi Donna .. oh those playtime-school days ... I was constantly embarrassed. Crumbs sliding under a car ... well that could have made a good Laurel and Hardy movie?! 'Cept they didn't wear a skirt usually!! Then in later life "think before you leap" - it's so easy to jump in the deep end with some bright idea and then ... oh oh paddle back to the shallow end to re-evaluate ... great analogy you've given us ...

    Gone are those days mostly now - thank goodness ... good luck with all before you: excellent food for posts - Cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi Hilary! Thanks for your kind words. I was never much of a Laurel and Hardy fan...more of my sister's thing than mine...but I can certainly see where my "car trick" might have fit in...;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  6. I had one long embarrassment throughout my schooldays and developed a skin like a rhino. I thought I was cured then my kids started growing up. In a writing context I am still in my schooldays because as I suspect a lot of writers do, I can only see the flaws and even after countless revisions I still find them.

    It is quite healthy though because my first book was never meant to be a book or I might have gone about it a different way. It is going to print still flawed but it has helped me with the sequel. We all need a good slice of reality sometimes.

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    1. Hi JP! I consider myself lucky...the only embarrassing thing I remember my son doing was pinching the butts of everyone waiting in line at a movie theater as we were walking by. I didn't realize what he had been doing until we reached the head of the line...good thing he was only 2 1/2 at the time...otherwise I think I would have been more than embarrassed~ ;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  7. This is such a great post. :) I'm going to have to remember these rules the next time I make a fool of myself (which'll probably be sooner rather than later).

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    1. Hi Julia and welcome to my blog! When I was growing up the list of embarrassing moments for me were endless...now, I manage at times to make it through a whole week without once embarrassing myself...lol

      FYI...I checked out your FB page and "liked" it...;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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    2. No problem--I've been following your blog for a little while now, and I really enjoy reading your posts. :) Thanks for liking my page!

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    3. Nice to know, Julia, that I have followers even in the shadows...;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  8. I liked that you mentioned that not everyone is watching our every move. Thanks for being vulnerable to us by sharing your embarassing moments. I have had my share and tend to pick myself up and go about as if nothing ever happened. My husband finds it amusing that I can do that. You are right about them forgetting about it and going about their day...after a good laugh.

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    1. Hi Romelle! Sharing things happening to me is never a difficult thing to do if I can put it in writing...it's how I have communicated most of my life. Telling you some of my stories FACE TO FACE....well, that's another thing! ;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  9. Love the visual of you climbing out from under your car. Great post. Thank you for sharing and inspiring. T.

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    1. Hi Tanja! Thanks for your kind words and believe it or not, that was absolutely a true story. A few weeks later I was visiting this same client and managed to do it AGAIN!! Luckily, no one was watching me that time. I got rid of those boots after that...lol...

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  10. Wow... What (bad) luck... But great advice anyway! :D

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    1. Hi Erik! Yep, bad luck is my middle name because I've dealt with it most of my life so I might as well laugh at it...;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  11. Great post, Donna! If we dwelt on our embarrassments, we would never get a book wrote:)

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    1. Hi Sue! You're absolutely right...the same could be said of rejection letters...;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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  12. Thank you so much for sharing your embarrassing stories with us -- and for such great analogies to our writing lives. Receiving my first rejection letters in the summer of 2010 was the kick in the pants I needed to show me that I didn't know how to write a picture book, and so I signed up for Emma Walton Hamilton's "Just Write for Kids" class. I have been learning and growing ever since. If it hadn't been for that embarrassment, I wouldn't have grown. (Easy to say now!)

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    1. Hi Beth! I may be a tad weird but I'm not overly disturbed by rejection letters. No response at all simply means I might not have chosen wisely enough when I sent a submission out. I use the other rejection letters I actually do receive as a lesson to be learned. Maybe I need to strengthen the ending or maybe I need to rework the storyline...those letters will tell me what I need to do if I just take the time to listen...;~)

      Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!

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